I haven’t been well, locked away so as not to be contagious, but for the first time in a very long time, I am finally feeling better. You were gone ...rom me before I ever fully confirmed that you existed. I don’t know if you left me because you thought it was a lock that I would have made you go away. It would not have been, in spite of everything I did with the Pills and the condoms and the pulling out. It would not have been, once I had a field of blue or a urine-stained plus sign. True, I was. I wake up with a start. Feeling disgusted and nauseous; and even moredisgusted when I found myself being wet down there. I'm not going togive myself up! Sure, not to this asshole of a captain! There must bea way out of this!*******I wake up another night hearing an alarm."Cadet Liza A11008, report to the bridge immediately!"I hesitate in front of the closet. Perhaps an emergency is a goodopportunity to take vacation from the obligatory skirts. I put on ajumpsuit and running shoes, and run to. “This way.”When we arrived at the locker room entrance, I actually had to grab John’s arm to keep him from just walking in.“I’m not ready yet,” I said. “I’m having a little trouble feeling everyone out.”“Huh? Why? You said you’ve done this lots of times.”“I have, but it always was at our school, and I knew the layout and the schedule. Okay, I found the coach now, so just give me a minute.”We stood next to the entrance while I worked on blanketing all the girls inside with my new and improved. The surprise came weeks later when Dean announced at dinner that he had joined the Army. Neither Sarah or I took that well, of course changes to life always come but our idea of changes did not include one of our sons leaving home. Home was everything to us. The day Dean boarded the bus, he was happy. All of us were there to wish him luck. I saw the quiver of Kerry’s lower lip, I saw her turn her head away to hide the tear that trickled down her cheek. I saw Dean hug her and not notice. Then.
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